Thoughts from the past year and of everyday of my life

I sometimes wonder if you do really care.

Cause I do. I fucking do.

Sometimes I want to tell you things. But you know me, right? I can't always do that. You, of all people should know that that would feel like sucking away a few minutes of my life. I want to tell you, I do. But I tend to get scared. I freaking get scared. That it will be too much. That I will be too much. For you. That you'll get sick of this little girl that I actually am.

That's why I have other ways where I can let my feelings out. Where I can let my thoughts fly freely.

I found my medium and I am continuously exposing myself to the world through it.

I provided you access. Heck, I wanted you to see it. I wanted you to see me.

But, it seems that you don't like these kind of things. It's childlike, I know. Believe me, I know. But I just wanted you to see me the way I see myself. Because we're so different, you and I. That difference is what makes us perfect and I adore it. I love it. But sometimes I feel like that difference might lead to something else.

I'm a disaster. And I'm afraid that slowly, without us even noticing it, I'm already destroying the one great thing I have had in this lifetime because of me being like this.

Because of what I actually am.